Defining Digital Dating Abuse
The abuse in the form of emotional and or verbal abuse, among teens, such as unwanted, multiple calls or text messages. Pressured into sending pictures that are nude or private by nature and this includes videos of such. The use of social media networking like Facebook to harass and bully, stalk or intimidate in anyway a girlfriend and or boyfriend.
A person tries to isolate and control who you may or may not be friend with on your social apps and goes as far as to monitor them.
They send you insulting, threatening or in any way negative or demeaning emails, text messages or various social media messages.
They use social media as a form of monitoring you
Sends you lewd, unwanted pictures and demands you return the favour, this is the same for videos.
Pressures you for your passwords or hacks your password or steals it in anyway
Sends a barrage or texts and leave constant voice messages to the point where you keep your phone switched off or are thinking of secretly changing your number.
The person will go through your phone logs and check all calls, messages, etc.
It is important to respect boundaries in a relationship.
You have the right to your privacy and to turn off your phone whenever you want.
It is your body and you do not have to send anyone anything you are not comfortable with and your partner should respect that.
Your passwords are your security and you are under no obligation to share them.
There are help hotlines for victims of any abuse. If you or someone you know are the victims of abuse, there are many places that can help you. One such place I know of is the Woman’s Freedom Center.
How to help someone who is the victim of abuse
The first step is to give them the benefit of the doubt
Find out what is going on
Find out how you can help them
Offer them your support and understanding
Don’t gossip about I, after all, it is not your problem to tell anyone else
Do not pressure them let them make their own decisions on the situation just let them know you are there for them.
Abuse be it or online is a serious situation and can have a very damaging effect on a person. The abuser needs to be reported, although there a fine line on how the law can deal with these situations there are institutions that can lend a hand and offer their support, help and guidance.
Simply put it is as safe as you can make it!
If you were dating in the real world you would take some measure to protect yourself be it pepper-spray or a bullhorn type device that fits in your purse. Do not be naïve, use your smarts and protect yourself. Take the proper precautions like using a nickname instead of your real name, do not give out your phone number and if you are going to use a form of IM download an app like KIK which your login in using user id instead of phone numbers. Use Skype but if you already have an ID make a new one never use your original one and do the same for an email address.
Protect your privacy
Do not disclose anything personal about yourself such as email, address or phone numbers in your profile. If you are meeting someone do not get picked up at your house meet somewhere. And always tell someone you know what you are doing.
Are you sure the person you are talking to is who they say they are?
The dating app Badoo takes pride in its safer online dating and offersmany ways for you to verify your profile, apps like Zoosk do the same. The will also ask for more than one way to verify this and it will be displayed on the persons profile if they have been verified! This stop what is called catfishing and gives you a greater peace of mind.
Also some mature dating sites are very safe to, you can do your own research it’s very easy today with so much information online.
How do you stop someone from being a pest on the site?
Some people just won’t take no for an answer you can block them and report them on most sites but once again apps like Badoo will block the person for you after two unanswered messages.
Online dating is generally as safe as you make it. If you take precautions and are vigilant you can enjoy our online dating experience. If you are being harassed report the person to the website support and if you are not comfortable with the site delete your id. Never give anyone your credit or debit card numbers or money no matter what story they tell you. Be wary of people who do not have much written on their profiles and are cagey with information or details.
There are online dating apps that enable a person to enter different forms of relationships with the other members. This has now moved on from the days when the dating application was for more long-term relationships.
The committed or the more casual relationship?
A committed relationship these daysis more like that fuzzy feeling you get when you are wrapped in your favorite comfy blanket. Then there are theno strings attached relationship which comes with its own attractions.The hookup apps allow for a more casual approach to dating and are a lot more open to casual sexual encounters.
So before taking your steps into this new adult adventure which may sound exciting consider the following:
The non-commitment part is a big part of this style of dating – emotions have no part in it so don’t bring your rosy fantasies of a happily ever after future together. Be prepared and mentally ready for a fast fling.
This is much like the old dating where you would go out meet someone who you clicked with sexually and had a great night together with, then one of you would grab up your pile of rumpled clothes heaped somewhere and sneak out the door! You must be careful here though and feel the person out some people do get attached and are not up front about it. So, if they start with the ILY or romantic poetry – maybe its time to hit the road before you go any further!
Enjoy the moment, this is what you signed up for to satiate yours and your hookups desires. Have fun and keep it casual!!! Remember if that L word comes to light it is a red flag in this situation.
As you are both not committed to each other it should be an easy relationship to exit. It is purely attraction and means to a pleasurable end to scratch and itch!
Hookup-dating appis not exclusive dating which brings up another point – practice safe sex.
Decide the rules up front and as most exclusive relationships these days are more relaxed one of you may already be in one. So, discuss that before one of you let slip something the other would rather not have made public.
Remember it is a fling, fun a one-night stand, should a partner suddenly become possessive or aggressive in anyway end the relationship immediately and block all forms of contact with that person.
Adult dating is not for everyone if you decide to try it keep an open mind and always keep your guard up.
A statistic shows that more than eighty percent of adults are involved in one type of hookup site or another. A lot of that eighty percent are in fact adults already involved in some form of a serious relationship.
Texting has replaced voice calls, they are more convenient and cheaper besides a hookup is not a romantic mushy date it is exactly as it implies a hookup!
This is an adult dating site – be an adult and upfront with your intentions! You are not here to form any emotional attachments or a romantic dinner.
This culture is mostly about sex, needless to say, practice safe sex and what they term as NSA – no strings attached so no unwanted pregnancies, STD and such!
If you are going into a hookup leave your emotions at the door or you are going to get hurt. Go into the hookup as it was intended a bit of fun and excitement to be enjoyed by both parties.
Yes, it may be a hookup, but you are BOTH consenting adults do not let the one makes the other feel cheap or nasty as you were in on the hookup and on the same app!
Every member on adult dating sites are basically there for casual sex or one-night stand, but remember this is the twenty-first century and there is absolutely no shame or stigma on who you are or how you choose to flaunt your sexuality. So, do have a bit of conversation with your hookup first and ensure they are on the same page as you, be respectful, no that even though you are both going in there with your eye wide open no still means no and be mindful of each other’s boundaries.
Always ensure have an exit strategy and let someone know where you are, there are apps you can download on your smartphone that allow people to track your phone such as Zenly ensure yourself and at least one of your friends have the application and that you are both linked. Even if your phone is off it can usually pinpoint your last location.
Now that you have dipped your toe in the new era of dating I am sure you have run into the little “oops” that made you come to realize there is a difference between a dating app and a hook-up app.
While dating applications can be used for hook-ups and various other sorts of dating applications there are applications that basically streamline the dating process even more for just quick hook-ups, kind of like a quit one-night stand or a partner to just go to the movies with (only not that tame usually).
On a dating application you do still hit right, hit left or more yes, I like that person, not I don’t like that person. You get a chance to talk on an email usually, get to know the person a bit. Chat over one of the many, many social IM chats.
With a hook, up app and let’s not be fooled here applications such as Tinder and Bumble are hook-up apps.
You have a brief profile, set your location wherever you are to find someone near to you and then get swiping left or right. If you both swipe right, you are a match and after a quick IM you get to have a hookup be it a real-life one or a cyber one.
The cyber-ones are usually done in the form of some roleplay either over IM, voice or cam depending on the personal preferences.
One such app is Whiplr
It is easy to navigate, it has events and meetups with various themes depending on what you are “into”
It is for both Android and IOS, so it works with most smartphones
The downfall of this app is that there is no pc version to it and it is not available in a lot of places.
But for those into a bit more of the “taboo” hookup Whiplr is the “hook-up” application for you.
There are other raunchy ones without the taboo element such as adult match, Pure, Badoo, Field and Hook Up Dating.
Online dating or hook-ups give you a further reach for you dating pool, but do not be lulled into a false sense of security and let your guard down. Even though you are meeting and interacting with electronic devices you may still be at risk and vulnerable to the various predators out there. Always keep your information safe and never give out too much information.
Getting back out there currently means basically taking a course on about life all over again. Your relationship ends for various reasons and when you are finally ready to take the plunge and get “back in the market” you are run aground!
Most young men and women from all around the world basically would tell you that while it has not quite died a complete death people just do not tend to do a lot of it – or at least not a lot of the conventional style dating that is!
An example of this is if someone these days asked you to “go out with them” they are basically asking you to be their girlfriend or boyfriend – well with the generation under about forty that is. They skip right over the “dating and getting to know you” part of the relationship part.
The teens apparently call this “instacouple”!
The younger generation in Colorado reports that traditional dating is “pretty much dead,” especially with the different partner styles dating such as bisexual, dominant and gay groups. It also makes tensions within dating a shaky landmine to walk through.
These days exclusivity is implied from the first date which makes looking around a bit awkward!
So now getting to know someone is reading their profile on one of the many social media applications, which lists their hobbies, social standing, followers, eye-color, height, weight, what they are looking for in a person – oh and you get to tell someone up front in your profile what you are like.
So, with all this information at your fingertips the young feel they already know the person so there is no need for the dating part. They read a profile, swiped right, the other person swiped right, and they matched!
There are pros and cons to looking at dating in this simplistic manner, it cuts out all the expense of the date, the awkward moments of having to get to ask a person about themselves (already listed like a menu on their profile) and most of them keep it so much online that it will probably start to cut down on STD’s in the long run.
The positive side is that dating over the internet gives that awkward youth a better chance at being able to approach a girl her normal would not. It levels out the playing field so to speak and with your details listed on a profile you get to see more of the person than just their outward appearance.
There are many ways to date on the internet these days, you can use Skype to both IM and FaceTime, you can use an actual app on your smartphone called facetime. Or you can build an avatar and meet up in a 3D Virtual world that you even get to build.
Once such application, where you play online but must download an interface is called Second Life.
When you first enter the world, you get to choose an avatar which closely resembles something from a dungeon and dragon’s world. But as you continue to play you can go to the store and buy a real person figure, skin, clothes and you get to build a house, meet friends, go on fantasy quests with them and do even more “intimate” things with them too if you so desire.
The game has great graphics and you can get really lost in all the worlds, getting to know the controls, etc. does basically take a manual and tutorial but the game is fun. It is like an upgraded version of the old time favorite the SIMMS.
The great thing about Second Life is that you do not have to be a fully paid member to get some great items to customize your avatar with or play with.
The downloading of the main interface is quick and does not take up too much space on your PC but to get the best out of the game you do require quite a high spec. graphics card and a good amount of memory. There are also various add-on browsers you can get to make the game easier to use.
Conclusion
These games can be addictive so always limit your time in them, but they are also a great place to meet other people without the stigma of a dating site. It is a more relaxed atmosphere and a gaming type environment by which to get to know your partner where your avatar takes on your persona.
For anyone who was married or out of the dating pool prior to the internet dating boom, and now find yourself single and on the dating scene again you have probably realized that even going to a bar to meet people these days requires a use of some form of social media app!
As such you have now been introduced to the new age of dating. The scary thing is that it does not only stop at “Meeting online” then moving into the real world to meet up. People are having actual cyber relationships these days, all complete with their own intimate language – yes, they even go as far as propping their device up on a pillow next to them with an open channel to their online love to snuggle together into the night.
Do you look at your kids or the much younger not yet ready to date generation and think “I wonder what dating is going to look like you when you are ready to start it?”
Well with the way things are moving there will probably be some form of VR that allows a person to intimately interact through some suite or goggles. That really is no joke, all you must do is Google VR and to see the leaps and bound by which the technology is advancing. So, the movies that portray human living in tubes and projecting themselves into a virtual world may not be that farfetched after all.
The Cyber dating community are quite serious about their online dating too, with cams, voice, various instant messaging smart-phone apps it is like you get to carry your internet partner around with you wherever you are.
As we get more and more drawn into a cyber world the need for actual human touch is becoming less and less!
